Becoming a Dickens.

Last week, I took my life and my old social security card into my hands, and made the trek to the Schenectady social security office.

Y’all. I really expected better from you. You KNEW I had to do this—and not one of you bothered to warn me!

I thought we were friends.

I cheerfully walked into a dirty gray room on the 8th floor, and my blue eyes widened because HOLY CROWD, BATMAN. The waiting room looked suspiciously like a third world three ring circus, with one very bored blue-uniformed officer [Officer? Officer of WHAT, pray tell?] attending a mass of rather suspicious looking reprobates. The aforementioned “officer” and I were the only native English speakers in the room, a commonality that got me approximately nowhere when I falteringly asked her for help. Barking, she ordered me to check in at an outdated computer, where a flickering blue screen unapologetically informed me that my case would NOT be served in the order in which it was received.

Oh, good. Because that makes sense.

I was going to be there as long as they felt like keeping me there. Which, unhappily, turned out to be for HOURS. I was one of those line-waiters that other line-waiters are deeply concerned about, and also deeply afraid to speak to lest they become emotionally unhinged. I began sending a flurry of angry texts to my friend Nancy, who sympathetically reminded me that if I managed to escape the social security office alive, I would still have the DMV, my passport, my credit card, my frequent flier miles, and eleventy billion other scraps of my life as “Ashley Peterson” to change.

So you’re telling me I have nothing to live for.

I called Kellan, and in a voice strangely reminiscent of Simba’s criminal Uncle Scar indignantly informed him that if he didn’t come home holding something that started with “molten lava fudge”, he didn’t need to bother coming home at all.

I could hear him grinning over the phone. Honey, you’re becoming a Dickens!


Filed under First World Problems, Love, Marriage

12 responses to “Becoming a Dickens.

  1. Christy "Check with me before you do anything else" Noyd

    Did you make it? Hate to tell you this now, but there’s an application you can fill out and mail in, and they will send you a new social security card within 10 business days… Here’s the website:

  2. Debbi Howard

    I have a migraine this AM, but decided to read your blog entry and quaked with laughter! You are so funny!

    Then I read Christ’s comment and began giggling all over again!

    Hope you survived and got your hot molten lava. Have you tried my recipe? It’s just a fudge brownie mix w/ an extra egg. Place it in a sprayed Pyrex of Anchor Hocking custard dish, place a chunk of Dove dark chocolate in center. Put in micro on Hi for ONE MINUTE and invert onto saucer. wala!

    • Debbi, I haven’t tried it yet but I will during my next chocolate emergency! I just love little ideas like that. :)

      And I’m glad YOU could giggle at Christy’s comment…I almost had a heart attack! ;)

  3. Tricia King

    Laughing as I read this and so glad you are back to writing! If it makes you feel any better after reading Christy’s comment, Sarah did hers online and it took MANY weeks. Maybe months. And she had to wait on that to begin any of the other name changes. I am pretty sure the 10 business day thing only applies when it suits them! :)

  4. Lorn Apel

    When Libby changed her name at Social Security the person working with her was relieved that she had just a minor item to deal with. Libby waited for at least two hours and the procedure took two minutes.

  5. Rafiki

    Becoming a Dickens is hard work. If they made it too easy, anyone could do it.

    “The question is, who are you?” -Rafiki

    Wiwi nugu mi mi apana!

  6. Kristin

    I love Christy.

    And way to go spelling Schenectady correctly.

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