How to Save Your Marriage for Fifteen Dollars.

Let’s be clear right off the bat: fifteen dollars cannot buy happiness.

It turns out, however, that fifteen dollars can buy you a little black fan on sale at Target, which will make enough noise at night to drown out the sound of your blissfully unaware husband snoring just four inches from your crazy-eyed face. Which, right now, feels precisely like happiness, so I should probably recant:

In breaking news, it turns out that fifteen dollars can, in fact, buy happiness.

I’m not kidding, I’m contemplating naming our firstborn child “Fan” on account of the thing probably just saved my marriage.

[Where was THAT in premarital counseling?!]

But really, with names like “Apple” and “North” on the table, I think “Fan Dickens” is totally a viable option. And honestly, I like the idea of naming our hypothetical offspring after the things that keep Kellan and I together. Though this point, “Break and Bake Cookies” would have to be in the running as well. And with a name like “Break and Bake Cookies Dickens”, our kid would never make it past kindergarten, and would be destined to grow up to become either a rapper or a stripper.

But hey–at least there would be options.


Filed under First World Problems, Marriage

12 responses to “How to Save Your Marriage for Fifteen Dollars.

  1. Kristin

    Ever since I was crammed in one room and 1 1/2 beds with two other staff women a few years ago on project, I can’t sleep without a box fan on high about 10 feet from my head. Iphone sound machine work fine for travel but I need the big guns at home.

  2. Earplugs also work, sometimes.. Sometimes I put my headphones in and listen to white noise quietly until I fall asleep. OR I wake up my husband a million times and make him roll over.. Those are his favorite nights =p -I’m pregnant, i’m allowed to be annoying.

  3. Marge Farmer

    Let me assure you it doesn’t get any better with age….maybe we get used to it. We have a cd playing tranquil nature sounds which lulls us to sleep! As a former teacher may I caution you to choose your children’s names….and initials ….with care. You would be surprised at some nicknames that are hard to live down! Love following your adventures!

    • Oh dear! Well, I’m happy to report that the fan is working beautifully. And excellent advice on being careful when we choose our children’s names! What a daunting task.

  4. According to this post I can count four children in the Dickens family future… Better get started :)

  5. Steve Hatchett

    You are too funny. I enjoy reading your blog and your quick wit and humor…Steve(Stephanie Coalsons Dad)

  6. Carolyn

    Our granddaughters spent the night this week-end and the 3 year old asked to sleep with us because we were scaring her with our monster noises from the next room (snoring….). I think you might have a child names Lava Cake or Chocolate for short

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